Back In Time
by breakwayfearles
Summary: Trapped in a memory, afraid to get out.
1. Birthday Shots

**01 | Birthday Shots**

It was the night of his 50th birthday party. The same one he didn't want to have. The same one his wife had made him go. But here he was, sitting inside the limousine on its way to his birthday party. He laughed at the thought of having a birthday party. He was the president - he had better things to do than having a huge party but Mellie had made him go. _It'll be good for the rates_ she had told him. And he knew that indeed showing more affection towards his family, specially towards his pregnant wife, would give him some positive points. So, he had no other choice but to go to his birthday party.

Mellie looked out the window as their limousine got closer to where Fitz' 50th birthday party was being held. All of the sudden she was feeling nervous and she couldn't understand why. She had planned everything, every single detail. And now there they were standing in front of the building and she just couldn't move. She was petrified. There was something in her telling her to not go to that party.

"What if we just? I don't know. Let's skip this whole thing and go home" She couldn't put her finger on it but something just didn't feel right

"Is it the baby? Are you feeling okay?" Fitz immediate concern was about his unborn child.

"I feel fine… I just…"

"What's the problem?"

"I just don't wanna go. I'm sick of smiling. I'm sick of acting like we are happy. I just wanna go." she needed to find an excuse, a reason for her change of mind. And something better than a gut feeling.

"Is it because she's gonna be there? Olivia. She got cleared by security so I'm sure you know! And all of suddenly you forced to have this big party and now you don't wanna go? Because of my mistress? Let me give you a fun fact, she is not my mistress anymore. So back up, you won." Fitz was sure that there was only one reason for her mood change. He knocked on his window so the secret services could open the door.

Mellie grabbed his hand before he had a chance to the leave the car and once again she told him she didn't want to go. But just like so many times before Fitz didn't listen to his wife. And in that moment she knew she had no other choice but going to the party. She put on a smile the moment she walked out of the car and in that same moment she could feel her heart fall. She walked towards him and took his hand on hers as they walked to the door. She stopped for a brief moment to look him in the eyes, hoping that this time he'd see the fear inside of her. She was about to say his name when she fell against him. His name was almost out of her lips when shots were heard. Fitz put his hand on her and all he could feel was something wet. He looked down and all he saw was blood.

"Mellie?" he started calling out her name as secret service agents took them back to the limousine "Mels?!" he called out for her nickname but all he could hear was his agents screaming. "Mellie!" he screamed out her name once again but her voice was something he didn't hear back. "Where are they taking her?" asked Fitz as secret service agents took him back to the limousine and others took his wife to other car. "Where are they taking her?" he asked once again but no one would give him an answer. He was not even sure if they were listening since sirens were echoing and people were screaming. And for the first time in a long spare of years the first thought on his mind was her and her name was all he was able to say. "Mellie!" And for the first time he was afraid of losing his wife.


	2. Wake Up

**02 | Wake Up**

"You got blood, sir!" said Cyrus as he approached the President. But Fitz acted liked he hadn't listened to him. He was just background noise - his voice got lost among every single voice in Fitz' surroundings. He didn't listen. He didn't care. Because the only voice he wanted to hear didn't talk back. "You got blood." said Cyrus once more.

"I don't care" mumbled Fitz as he walked towards the nurse. "How is she?" he asked afraid to say her name out loud. Afraid that if he'd would they'd tell him she was gone.

"She's in surgery, sir." Nurse Diane noticed the fear in his eyes and could feel the desperation in his voice. She knew that no matter what her answer would be it'd never be enough. "Doctor William will do everything to save her" The fear in his eyes just wider. "She's in very good hands, sir. Your wife… madam First Lady… Misses Grant will be alright"

"Fitz…" her familiar voice made him turned around. "Are you okay?" said Olivia as she walked towards Fitz "You have blood… FItz, are you hurt?" she asked as she caressed his cheek. She expected him to lean in against her touch but he pulled away from her.

"No, I'm not hurt!" he was tired of people pointing out the blood in his shirt. "It's Mels'! It's my wife! So, I'm not okay!" Fitz' screams made everyone stop and stare at him. "I should have just listened to her! We should have just gone home." And for the first time since shots were heard he let tears fall. When his eyes met Olivia she could see the pain in them. But what she noticed the most was the fear - something she had never see in him. Something she never thought she'd see in her lover's eyes - the fear of loosing her. And in that moment she knew that Fitzgerald Grant, III still had feelings for his wife. Olivia left that hospital, and his life, with tears in her eyes.

Fitz sat in the hospital floor waiting for the doctor to appear. He kept on looking back every time someone passed but every time it was someone else. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard two familiar voices calling out for him.

"Dad!" his daughter run to him as he got up from the floor.

"What are you two doing here?" asked Fitz as he welcomed his children into his embrace.

"What happened?" asked Karen avoiding the question he had just made them.

"Mom got shot. That's all I know." he knew that wasn't the answer his kids were looking for but that was all he got. "But what are you two doing here? You should be at school"

"The agents picked us up and this little nugget wouldn't shut up until they brought us here." stated Jerry as he lightly punched his sister's arms.

"You two should go to the Residence."

"But… mom…?"

"Mom is still in surgery. And… I don't know… but I promise you that the moment I know I will call you. And there's nothing you two can do here. You will be safer at the residence." he stated before kissing his children's forehead. "Now go. I'll call you when I know something about your mom and your little brother."

"But…"

"No buts, Karen! You're going to the residence."

"Mister President?" the doctor's voice made him let go of his children.

"How is she?"

"Your wife is stable. We were able to remove the bullets."

"What about my son?"

"We had to do a c-section. Your wife had lost too much blood. We didn't want to risk to loose them both."

"When can I see her?" Fitz couldn't help but to smile as he heard the doctor saying his wife and child were safe.

"She's in recovery right now. The nurse will call you after Misses Grant is transferred to her room." stated Doctor William before leaving.

"Dad…" Karen called out for her father as soon as doctor William turned his back.

Fitz walked back to his children and told them the exact words he had been told.

"Why isn't she awake, doc? You said she was stable.. but it has been two days…" asked Fitz as he held his wife's hand. He had spent the last two days by her side holding her hand. Afraid that if he let go of her, he'd be letting go of her for good. He had spent the last two nights by her side praying that she'd open her eyes. He'd talk to her in the hopes of her talking back. But never once he had heard her voice. Never once she had opened her eyes.

"She is. We've done every test possible. We can't find a reason for her coma."

"So why isn't she awake yet?" Fitz kept his eyes on Mellie.

"There's no medical explanation. The only reason that I can find is that… her brain is trapped in a memory."


	3. Change

**03 | Change**

Fitz stood by her side night and day. He kept his hand on her the entire time. He stopped crying a long time ago, his tears were already dried. His phone kept buzzing and the only reason he hadn't thrown it out was because he promised Karen he'd always have it by his side. He looked at his wife, there was a pain in her face and it was killing that he couldn't do a thing to make it go away.

"I should have just listened to you" he whispered to himself. Regretting that he hadn't paid attention to her words. Just like he'd done so many times before. And now here she was, laying in a hospital bed and he didn't know when she'd wake up, if ever. He heard so many times, you only notice what you have when you're about to lose it. Now he acknowledge the truth of those words - he'd taken her for granted. Melody Grant had always stood by his side through all the cheating, the meaningless words and the scandals in the tabloids. She'd always stood beside him despite the way he treated her, despite the many times he'd told her he was in love with another woman and the many times he said he was leaving. She had always been there through it all. Never once did he had thought that she could one day be gone. But now here she was, laying down in a hospital bed and for he first time in a long the fear of losing consumed him. Just like that he realized that regardless of how many times he'd said he was in love with another woman, he still loved his wife. "We should have just gone home, Mels"

HIs tears fall down on her hands as pain took over his heart. He squeezed her hand a little tighter as tears kept falling. "I can't live without you" he whispered to himself as memories of her laughter echoed in his mind. As memories of her smile from another moment, another time flashed before his eyes. A time in which there were no wrong or rights, no political smiles, no flashing lights and no kids running around. It was just the two of them in a cold apartment on Morgan Street. Back when life was easier and love was real. He smiled at such thoughts - his love for her had always been real. It was hidden beneath a thousand rocks of fear and self-pity. But never once had he stopped loving her - even though he'd told himself over and over again how much in love with another woman he was.

Fitz was lost in his own thoughts when suddenly his phone started buzzing.

"Hey" he stated without even seeing the caller id.

"Hi"

"Olivia…" he whispered.

"I… I just wanted to know… how is she doing?"

"She's stable. But she won't wake up"

"She will. She won't go down without a fight" Fitz smile at her words. She was right, Mellie wouldn't go down without a fight. "What about your son?"

"He's okay. Doctors said he didn't suffer."

"That's good" stated Olivia before an awkward silence stood between the two.

"But you didn't call me just to check up on my wife and son?" even through the phone she could feel the fear and love as he said "my wife".

"Cyrus called me. Sally is trying to get your seat at the Oval Office." Fitz heard her but he didn't say a word. "Fitz…?"

Fitz noticed he had another call "Karen is calling. You do what you gotta do, Liv" that wasn't the answer she was expecting but she wasn't sure of what answer he might give her.

"Dad" he heard his little girl saying - it didn't matter how grown she was she'd always be a little girl in his eyes.

"Mom still hasn't woken up, honey" stated Fitz as he held his wife's hand.

That wasn't the news she wasn't hoping to hear "But how is she?"

"Nothing has changed."

"When is the baby coming home?"

"Doctors said he'll have to stay here until he gets stronger. He's too little."

"You have to name him, you know? I can't keep on calling my little brother 'the baby'!" her statement made him laugh. She was right. They did need to name him. But he didn't want to do it alone, he couldn't do it alone. They might have not chosen to have another child together but they'd chose his name. "And when are you coming home?"

"When your mother wakes up"

"Dad…. you need to rest. And take a shower!"

"I have showered!" he said with a small smile.

"You won't come here, you have let me come there"

"Karen, we've discussed this."

"I know… Tell mom I love her, will you?"

"Of course, sweetheart"

"And I love you."

"I love you too" stated Fitz before hanging up the phone. "Your daughter said to tell you she loves you" he said as he put his phone back on her bedside table "I'm just going to grab something to eat. I'll be back, I promise." he stated before kissing her on the forehead. But how much were his promises worth now? When he spent their entire lives breaking them. When Fitz went back to the room something was different. His eyes went immediately to the bed and he started running towards the door.

"Doctor! Doctor!" Fitz screamed as he ran in the hallway. As soon as he heard the President's voice the doctor ran to him.

"What happened?"

"I think she's awake" as soon as the doctor heard those words he ran to Mellie's room.

She looked around the room trying to process her whereabouts. Her hands were immediately to her stomach and she froze. Her baby wasn't moving. She felt her world trembling and the room spinning. Her eyes went wide when she heard footsteps coming her way.

"Fitz!" when he heard his name coming from her lips he couldn't held the tears in. He went to her side and took her hand in his. "I'm here" he whispered as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"Sir, could you take a step back?"

"Sure"

"Everything seems to be fine" stated the doctor after he checked her vitals. "I'll have the nurse take some blood and we'll also have to do another TAC. Nothing to worry you about - I just want to make sure everything's fine, m'am"

"Thanks, doc" said Fitz before he took his place next to hers.

"Where is Jerry?" she asked.

"He's with Karen" stated Fitz.

"Who's Karen?" asked Mellie confused. Her question made the doctor stop near the door.

"Our daughter…"

"M'am, who is the person holding your hands?" the doctor stepped in interrupting Fitz-.

"It's my husband…"

"And what is his name?" his questions were not only confusing her but also Fitz.

"Fitzgerald Grant the third…"

"Can you tell me where you are?"

"Why are making me these questions?"

"Just answer them, m'am"

"Sacramento…" she answered still not understanding why he was making such stupid questions.

"M'am, what year is it?"

"It's 1998…"


	4. In Her Mind

**04 | In Her Mind**

She tried to open her eyes. But they were tight and would not respond. The more she tried the tighter they seemed to get. They remained closed as she felt the floor beneath her disappear. She tried to scream but no sound would escape her body. She wanted to call out his name but no words came out. She looked down, the tiles of the floor suddenly appeared. She recognized them as the ones in Fitz's house in California.

"I'm so tired of my father!" she suddenly heard her husband's voice entering the room. "If he thinks I'm going to follow in his footsteps he is gravely mistaken! If and only if I'm running it's because I want to help people not to gain political power! And I won't be running on my military background! He can cry all he wants but I won't do it!"

"Of course not, honey. He can't make you run" she hadn't talked but she'd just heard her own voice coming from the other side of the room.

"Let's just go back home" Mellie watched her husband walking towards her other her. He saw him wrapping his arms around the other her and she could feel the warmth of his embrace around her. "Let's keep on trying to have that baby" and there it was the mischievous smile she knew all too well.

She heard herself saying "Let's go home" as she leaned her forehead against his.

She felt the warm liquid of whiskey going down her throat and her father-in-law's voice in the background. But this time there wasn't another her, there was only one her and she was sitting on the couch as her father-in-law rambled on about how stupid Fitzgerald was acting. How stupid it was of him not wanting to run on his military background - especially because it would bring so many votes. Suddenly he was seated next to her and his voice stopped filling the room. Suddenly she felt the weight of his hand on her knee. _Gosh, you are so beautiful_ His innocent words weren't so innocent after all and they creaked into her heart and fear was shown in her eyes. His hands were burning agains her skin and her body was on fire - the kind which would lead you towards your death. She felt the fearful fire turning into cold terror as she dragged herself up to her room trying to put behind the picture of what just happened downstairs. Fitz called out her name just as she was walking towards the bathroom to get _his_ scent and _his_ touch off her skin. The warmness of the embrace that once made her feel safe were now the place she wanted to run away from. His two arms were no longer home - at least for that night.

She closed her eyes hoping that she would wake up.

She opened up her eyes only to feel the baby kicking inside her. Her world started shaking doubt kicking in her mind. Suddenly she felt a strong arm around her and his lips on her shoulder. _Good morning, beautiful_ she heard him mumbling _Good morning, Governor Grant_ she heard herself saying without thinking it over not even once. She closed her eyes as she let the happiness of the moment get into her heart. But soon her husband's touched was replaced with _his_.

All of sudden she heard the beeps in a quiet room. She tried to opened her eyes but the brightness of the room made it difficult for her recognized where she was. She searched for a hand near her but the only thing she felt was the hard scratchy sheet. As soon as she opened her eyes she felt confused by her whereabouts, her hands went to her stomach but her baby wasn't moving. And in that moment the room started spinning.


	5. Twenty Eleven

**05 | Twenty Eleven**

" _M'am, what year is it?"  
_ " _It's 1998…"_

"Why are you all looking at me like that?" asked Mellie as all eyes on the room were on her.

"Mrs. Grant, what's the last thing you remember?"

"I don't ... know..." She felt a lump in her throat. She couldn't say those words out loud. "I think I was at home... I don't know..."

"What do you remember?"

"Telling Fitz I was pregnant" she couldn't help but smile at the memory. "And his smile when he felt the baby kicking for the first time"

Fitz couldn't help but let a tear slip from the corner of his eye as he remembered the happier times of their marriage. Of late he'd only pictured Mellie and their marriage as cold and heartless. He was so focused on his own needs that he'd forget that there was a time in their lives that they were truly happy - they were colorful, and vibrantly happy.

"So you knew it was a boy?" Asked the doctor

"Oh yeah! This one here couldn't wait until the birth!" Stated Mellie as she playfully hit Fitz' ribs with her elbow.

"I'm gonna give you two a moment before I have to take you to do a CT, said the doctor before turning around.

"What year is it, Fitz?" Asked Mellie as soon as the doctor left the room.

"Mel..."

"What year is it?"

"It's 2011"

"Gosh! No wonder you looked at me like I had lost my mind when I said it was 1998!" Her statement made him laugh "why can't I remember the last 13 years...?" But Fitz didn't answer, he had nothing to tell her. He wished he held the answer she so badly wanted. But he didn't. So, he remained silent afraid to say anything that would hurt her even more. "So, you're not governor anymore?"

"No" he said laughing.

"What are you now?"

"I'm the President" he said with a small smile.

Mellie's eyes went wide open as she let his words sink in "We made it?"

"Yes. We made it, baby" _baby_ left his lips as easy as it was 13 years ago. He hold her against his chest before kissing the top of her head. "We made it" he whispered once again as he felt his heart breaking at the thought of how broken she'd be when the reality of the last 13 years would come to her.

"So, the white house is our home now?" mumbled Mellie as she caressed his chest.

"Yes..." he tried to keep his answers short knowing very well that the house was everything but their home.

"And we decided to have a baby while at the White House?"

"Yes..." he tried to keep his answers simple, knowing very well how confused and complicated their third child had come to this world.

"I wanna see him" stated Mellie as she caressed Fitz' chest.

"Baby boy...?"

"Jerry. I wanna see Jerry" she looked up to meet his gaze. It was all still confused to her. In her mind she had just become a mother for the first time but the man she was married to told her they had three children. She was still trying to wrap her mind that he was still by her side.

"Okay" Fitz was about to reach his phone when the doctor arrived.

"Sorry to interrupt" the doctor didn't need to say another word, they all knew why he was there.

"It's okay" stated Fitz as he got up from her bed "it's going to be okay" he reassured her once again "He'll be here when you get back" he whispered before he kissed her forehead.

"I love you" she mumbled just before the nurse pushed her wheelchair out of the room. But she didn't get any words back. She didn't get a " _I love you too_ " back, she didn't get a kiss back, she only got a small smile and doubt in his eyes. She pushed her thoughts aside. He was her husband. He loved her. If he didn't then why 13 years later where they still married and with three children. He loved her, that she was sure of. That's what she told herself.

He wished he could say those words back as easy as he did thirteen years ago. But now in that hospital room those three words would not cross his lips. And it killed him to see the pain and the confused look in her eyes. He took a deep breathe as he reached for the phone on the bedside table.


	6. Standing By

**06 | Standing By**

When Mellie was taken back to her room instead of being welcomed by her husband she was surprised by someone she didn't recognize. That's when she remembered it wasn't 1998 anymore, it was 2011.

"Hello" she made her presence known.

It was clear that Mellie did not recognize the person standing in front of her. Her eyes betrayed her uncertainty. Just as she was about to ask the person for their name, Fitz walked in.

"Look who's here…" but his words died on his lips when he saw the person standing in his wife's hospital room "Olivia…" he said her name as loud as a whisper.

"Jerry…?" the tone of Fitz' voice went unnoticed when Mellie laid her eyes on the young boy standing in front of him.

"Mom" Jerry walked towards his mother understanding that she didn't remember his face, he was unsure how to act with her. Mellie broke the barrier and his insecurities. She reached for his hand and held him as tears formed in her eyes.

"M'am, let me help you get into bed" the nurse whispered as she tried to control her tears as the emotions of the moment took over her. It was like watching a mother meeting her newborn for the first time. As soon as she was back in bed, Mellie held Jerry's hand as if she were afraid he would vanish. Her eyes saying more than words could ever speak.

"I need to talk with you, Fitz" Olivia's voice broke the moment between mother and son.

Fitz was going to say no but he noticed the look in Olivia's eyes. She wasn't there for him. She wasn't there because of Fitz. She was there because he was Fitzgerald Grant III, President of the United States of America. She wasn't there because she'd once been his mistress. She was there because she was Olivia Pope, DC's best fixer. And that's who he saw when he looked at her eyes.

"You will be okay?" he asked Mellie and that's when Olivia saw the concern and the raw emotions in his eyes. Mellie nodded unable to say a word. "I'll be right back" stated Fitz before turning around leaving the room, Olivia followed close behind him.

"Come here" stated Mellie after the door was closed. She caressed his face, taking note of every little feature. The way his smile would feel beneath her touch. The way his eyes would gaze when his lips were curving. "You're so tall" she smiled "You're so grown up" she took a deep breathe "Sit here next to me. Tell me everything. I wanna know everything about my boy" she stated as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"What is that you wanted to talk about?" asked Fitz after he left the room.

"Was it just me or she didn't recognize me…?" asked Olivia as the look of confusion on Mellie's face played in her mind.

"What is that you wanted to talk about?" Fitz ignored her question and pressed on .

"Fitz, what's going on? Why did Mellie just look at me like I was a person she was seeing for the first time? Why is Jerry the only child you brought to her room? Why did she look at him like it was the first time she was seeing him? Why isn't Karen here?"

"What is that you wanted to talk about?" once again Fitz ignored her questions.

"Fitz, what's going on?" this time she stepped closer to him, preventing him from taking any step forward.

"She thinks it's 1998…"

"You were governor of California… and… I …" that's when she realized that in Mellie's mind she was indeed a strange.

"You didn't exist in our lives"

"That's why you haven't left her side…"

"I can't leave her…" and she knew he meant more than just leaving her side. And she'd never forgive him if he'd leave his wife in a hospital bed when he was the only thing her memory was certain of. No, he wouldn't leave his wife. And she'd hate him if he'd ever do it.

"I know…"

"But what is that you wanted to talk about?"

"Sally is still vying for the presidency. We will have to release a statement regarding you and Mellie. We need to tell them about Mellie's condition. You'll gain sympathy, compassion, the people won't let Sally take your seat. They'll stand by you while you stand by your wife.

Fitz didn't want to use Mellie's condition but Olivia was right if people knew why he was spending more time in the hospital than at the White House, they'd sympathize with him and be against Sally if she tried anything while Mellie was ill. "I'll do it. Not you, not Cyrus. Me."

"I'll handle it" that was all she was able to say before she turned around quickly, leaving him standing alone as she practically ran away to stop him from seeing the tears falling.

Fitz opened the door to Mellie's to find his oldest son snuggled with his mother. A vision he hadn't seen in so long and he longed for. Since they'd been living in the White House their time with the kids had been too little and at times nonexistant. They'd decided to have them away at boarding school to keep them away from the curious eyes, away from the press from prying eyes and to protect them from being collateral damage. The only connection they had were through phone calls scenes like this - his oldest son in his mother's embrace - were a rare sight. One he thought he'd never see again.

"Is everything okay?" asked Mellie when she noticed Fitz standing in the doorway.

"Yes. No need to worry, honey" And just like that _honey_ slipped from his tongue without him realizing what he'd just said. Just like that he was back to 1998.

Mellie didn't say a word she just nodded. She kissed the top of her son's head before turning to Fitz and saying "I wanna see him. I wanna see our baby"

Jerry was the one who pushed Mellie's chair. He didn't let his father do it. He didn't let the nurses do it. He wanted it to be him. He wanted to show his mother that he was there. And he wanted to be the one telling her his daughter was there to see her too.

"That's him, mom. That's baby boy." said Jerry as he pointed to his baby brother's crib.

"Baby boy?"

"You and dad haven't named him yet! What are Karen and I suppose to call him then?" his comment made Mellie laugh.

"Mom…" said Karen as she turned around to face her mother.

" _Let's try for a girl."_ Mellie looked at her daughter and suddenly her husband's voice echoed in her head. And here she was. The girl he wanted - his perfect little girl. She smiled. They had the perfect life. And now in the crib laid their tiny little baby. One she didn't even remember conceiving. But here he was fighting for his life. The child she didn't remember being pregnant with but that she was afraid of losing. Tears started falling from her eyes and suddenly Fitz's hand was on her shoulder. She closed her eyes as she felt him leaning in to kiss the top of her head.

"Theodore Grant" Mellie's voice broke the silence.

"He needs a middle name" stated Fitz.

"Theodore Wallace Grant" said Mellie with smile

"I'll just go with Teddy" said Karen suddenly making everyone laugh.


	7. A Familiar Face

**07 | A Familiar Face**

"I stand here today not as the President of the United States but as a father, and mostly, as a husband. As you all know last week my wife, Mellie, got shot in an assassination attempt where I was the target. What you don't know is that as a precautionary procedure the doctors had to do an emergency c-section our third child, Theodore Wallace Grant, is current hospitalized in Bridgepoint's neonatal intensive care unit. And although Mellie is already home resting with our two oldest children, her condition is still critic. As a result of the shooting and the fall Mellie has temporary lost her memory. So I'm here speaking to you, asking you to let us heal in private. To let us deal with all of this in our own time and way. At our own pace. Thank you" Fitz grabbed the papers off of the podium and left the conference room the same way he walked in - not answering any of the questions the journalists yelled his way.

"You didn't have to do that" stated Mellie as he walked into the Oval Office.

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the residence?"

"You didn't have to do that" she stated as she got up from the couch.

"I had. They wouldn't stop."

"They still won't…."

"People will understand and eventually lose interest which means they'll sell less…" he said as he put his hands on the side of her arms. Mellie closed her eyes as soon as the touched her "so they will stop"

"Okay" mumbled Mellie as Fitz leaned in to kiss her forehead.

"So, what are you doing here?"

"It's time to go to the hospital." her tone was a little louder than a whisper but loud enough for him to hear.

He pressed his forehead against hers and he wrapped his arms around her waist bringing her even closer to him. Her hands found the back of his head. Her fingers played with his curls. "Let's go see Teddy" he whispered. "And when we get back I'll make you dinner"

"But you can't cook!" replied Mellie with a laugh.

"Oh, but you used to love my Le Grant Pasta" said Fitz as he tickled her.

"I do! I do! I do!" said Mellie between giggles.

She was on her way to his office when she saw them in the hallway. His arm was around her waist, her head was leaned against his shoulder, her arm was around his torso and small smile on her lips. If she didn't know any better, Olivia would think them as the closest and happiest couple to walk the earth. But she did. She knew all the promises of love he had given. All the sweet words of never endless love he had while laying naked in her bed with her in his embrace. She remembered all the times he swore there was no feelings of love left for his wife. The wife he swore he never loved but now he stood in front of her with his wife by his side and a small smile on his face. And love was the only thing she could see in the picture in front of her. "Are you going to the hospital?" Olivia heard Karen talking in the background. She watched Fitz saying something to his daughter before wrapping his arms around her. She watched him kissing his daughter's head before kissing his wife's temple. She watched them disappear down the hallway. _The Grants_ \- she felt her heart breaking and falling against the floor.

"Liv" Cyrus' voice brought her back to reality.

"Yes" stated Olivia as she turned to face the President's chief of staff.

"Is there anything you want?" he asked fully aware of where her eyes were starring.

"No." she said before walking down the hall as she tried to keep her tears from falling.

Three weeks passed since Mellie returned home but her memory was just as blank as the day she walked back through the doors of the White House. It was destroying him seeing her breaking as she tried to remember how their life was before she'd woken up in that hospital bed. But what was destroying him the most was seeing the pain in her eyes every time one of their children talked about something from the past. Something she had no memory of.

"Hey" she flashed him a smile not sure of what else to say to the man standing in front of her.

"Hey" he said back as he sat in the couch across her.

"What brings you to the cold of Washington, DC mister Governor?"

"You" he said with his eyes locked on hers.

"Andrew…" his name left her lips as the sound of his voice calling her Mrs. Grant echoed in her as she remembered how he held her that night making sure she wouldn't fall asleep … to never wake up again.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay…"

"Mellie, how are you?" he took her hands in his and suddenly she was in the Governor's mansion.

"I'm scared" she looked at him with tears forming in her eyes. "I don't know who I am, Andrew. I love my baby but… but…" she couldn't form words to describe the ache in her heart.

"You're scared he's not his." he took her face between his hands and cleaned the tears from her face.

"Yes…" Mellie mumbled between the tears that kept falling.

"Would knowing the truth make you feel more at piece?" he caressed her cheeks.

"Yes… maybe…" she took a deep breath.

"I'll handle it" he said before kissing her forehead.

"How?" asked Mellie as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Don't worry, I'll find a way"

He untied his tie as he walked in to his room. At the sound of the door being opened Mellie jumped from bed and walked towards her husband.

"Hey" she said as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Hey" he said back as he rested his hands on her waist.

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"For calling Andrew"

"You don't have to thank me for that" he put a piece of hair behind her ear "I just thought you'd like to see a familiar face" she smiled at his words. He loved the smile on her face. And just like that he leaned in to kiss her. And just like that she felt his hands going down her back. She broke apart when memories of him screaming at her came back to her mind. She leaned her forehead against his wishing they'd just go away.


	8. Memories

**08 | Memories**

" _You don't let me touch you! You're my wife and you don't let me touch you! What's wrong with you?!" his words were echoing in her mind as she felt the weight of his father's hand on her knee. His fingers brushing against her skin. And something in her making him want to stop._

Mellie woke up in the middle of the night with her heart pounding in her chest. Her breath uncontrollable and sweat covering her face and palms. She looked to her left side, her husband was still sleeping. She took a deep breathe as she tried to gather herself. These dreams had been a constant in the last week. And she couldn't tell if they were true and if it was her mind playing tricks on her. She took a sip from the glass of water she always kept on the bedside table. But what she really wanted was the hooch she knew she had somewhere in the house. She kicked the covers gently not wanting to wake up Fitz. She dragged herself to the bathroom still with his screaming voice echoing in her head. She closed the bathroom door and looked at herself in the mirror. She shook her head as memories of the days after the birth of her first son came rushing into her mind. The doubt, the fear of her son not to be his. And his screams. His constant screams. His demands on knowing why. Her wanting to speak up, to scream to him what his father had done to her but she was never able to find her voice. She was scared that he wouldn't believe her despite his feelings towards his father, he was still his father. She splashed water on her face hoping that Andrew would be able to at least answer one of her questions.

"Hey…" his voice suddenly brought her back to reality. "Everything okay?" he asked as she turned around.

"Yes... I just needed to pee"

He laughed at her words "Then come back to bed." he said as he extended his hand. She took it now wanting to show him the monsters inside her mind. "Let's enjoy the quietness while we have it. Because once Teddy is home…" he stated as he turned off the bathroom lights. She smiled at the thought of having her baby by her side.

She got into bed and just like back before she had become pregnant with Jerry his two arms were around her. And just like that he kissed her shoulder before leaning his head against hers. "He's gonna be okay" his fingers searched for her hand "I know you're scared but it's gonna be okay" She closed her eyes hoping for once that he'd be right. Mellie wanted to believe in his words but she couldn't help but let her mind wander to him screaming at her " _You're my wife!"_ She closed her eyes wishing it'd all just go away but there he was again, standing in front of her, " _I'm in love with another woman_ ". She opened her eyes and wondered to herself how could it be - if he was in love with someone else why would he still be with her, why would he still wrap his arms around her and press his head against hers, just like he used to do when they were living in that small apartment on Morgan Street.

She woke up with the ray of lights in her face and empty space beside her. Mellie rubbed her eyes trying to adjust to the morning light.

"Good morning, mom" said Karen as she walked into her parent's room with a tray in her hands.

"Good morning, sweetie" replied Mellie as she sat against the bed's head board. "Oh you brought me breakfast"

"Dad told us to let you sleep. But it's almost time to go see Teddy so I decided to wake you up."

"Oh, thanks sweetie" stated Mellie before taking a bit of the toast. "Where's your brother?"

"He's playing videogames"

"Honey…" she said before taking a sip of her coffee "What can you tell me about that woman that works with your father?"

"What woman?"

"The one who was at the hospital"

"Olivia…? She doesn't work with dad anymore"

"Why's that?"

"I don't know… I know that she started working with you during the campaign…"

And as Mellie ate her breakfast in bed her daughter told her all she knew about the mysterious woman that went by the name of Olivia Pope.

She was in her office trying to make her mind understand the functions she was supposed to have

and the choices she was supposed to make when an old friend entered her room.

"Hey Andrew" and for the first time that day she genuinely smile. A happy, bright smile. She got up from her seat the moment her eyes met him.

"Hey" he said back mesmerized by the blue of her eyes. "How was your day?" his voice took her back to another time. A time in which she was as in much doubt as she was today. A time in which he left like he was the only person that would listen to her.

"Strange… just like the others" she said as she walked to the couch, motioning for him to sit next to her "What brings you here?" she asked.

"This" he replied as he took out an envelope from the inside pocket of his jacket.

"How did you…?"

"You'd rather not know" he said with a small laugh as he gave her the closed envelop.

She took the envelop in her hands afraid of what the contents could possibly say. "Thank you" she mumbled as he took her hand in his.

"Have you remembered anything else?"

"Some of the things the kids did when they were toddlers" remembered Mellie with a smile

"Nothing else…?" he knew he hadn't been present in her life for awhile now. But he had watched her from afar - he saw the way Fitz would treat her and how he'd destroy her already broken heart with just a glance and unsaid words.

"No…" she lied as pictures of constant fights between her and Fitz flashed in her mind.

"Okay…" he said as he caressed her hand "I hope you find the answer you're looking for" he said before kissing her temple.

Mellie stood from the couch with the envelop in her lap unsure if she should open it or just let it be. She was shaking with fear and nerves as her mind played tricks on her. She could hear her own voice " _I'm not sure if my son is his and that makes me not want to live_ " and his constant screams " _You're ornamental, not functional! You never wanted this baby!"_ She shook her head as she tried to keep her tears at bay. She looked down at the envelop as she tried to find the courage to open it.


	9. Gone With The Wind

**09 | Gone With The Wind**

Mellie was siting in bed leaning against the headboard when her husband walked into her room, her husband, she smiled at that thought.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah.. why?" she looked at him afraid that he had discovered something about her talk with Andrew.

"You seem to have been crying…" that's when Mellie realized the concern in his eyes and the lack of knowledge of the real reason behind the track of tears she was now sure were on her face.

"I was just… in Teddy's room… It's all just… put together…And I did that. I don't even remember doing it. But who else would have been? Definitely not you!" her last words made him laugh as he sat next to her.

"Don't pressure yourself, baby, eventually you will. And soon enough Teddy will be here."

"I can't wait for him to come home" she said as she leaned her forehead against his.

"Soon, baby, soon." he caressed her cheek before kissing her forehead "It's gonna be alright, honey"

Mellie closed her eyes as she felt his lips against her skin. _Positive_. The words she had read earlier, the real reason behind her tears were echoing in her head. _Positive._ The man holding her in his arms was the father of all of her three children. He was the father. Her darkest moment had a bright light in the end. It was him. It had always been him. She felt relief - relieve to know that the monster wasn't the father of her first born child.

He felt her relax underneath his touch so he kissed the tipped of her nose making her giggle before taking her face with both his hand and crashing his lips on hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck like her life depended on it. He tried to pass her lips and she allowed it. She had missed him. She couldn't say the reason why but she had missed him. Fitz deepened the kiss until she broke away. "I've missed you" she whispered against his lips. "I'm right here" he replied back. As those words left his mouth he realized the little lie he had just told her. He hadn't been there for her. Not in a long time. He had been away, he had been in a place in which kissing her beside a peck in the lips for the camera flashes had never crossed her mind. But now, here he was - holding her in his arms wanting nothing more than to taste her. Her and only her. Not Olivia. Mellie. The woman he had spent the last years of his life saying how much he hated. Telling himself how much he in love with another woman he was. And now here he was - wishing he had believed her when she had told him she wanted to go. But maybe if they had… he would have never held her in his arms again.

"The kids went back to school today" stated Fitz.

"I know. They came here to say their goodbyes. This house feels empty all ready."

"Don't you worry they will be here before you know it. Karen wants to spend more time with you" said Fitz as he place a piece of hair behind her ear. "C'mon" he took her hand on his.

"Where are we going, Fitz?" she asked as she followed him.

"I just hope you're hungry" she rolled her eyes as he run away from her question.

"But I'm not even dressed!" But Fitz didn't even reply, he just smiled. "Fitz!" Mellie said his name but in vain. Fitz wouldn't tell her where they were going he'd just kept on walking with a smile on his face.

"Well… since you can't remember what the last few years were you like I thought that maybe I could go down a little bit more on memory lane" his words only made Mellie wonder more about his doings. "So… I thought that we could do a picnic…" he said as lead her towards the backyard. "I wanted to go to a drive in but the Secret Service said no…"

"Fitz" Mellie was speechless as her mind traveled to a time before babies were on their horizon and the White House was just a dream they used to talk about but never though they'd have the thriven to pursue. A time in which his hand used to always be on hers and surprises were something he was always preparing. A time when he rented a convertible car and took her to a drive in movie simple because that was something she had always dreamed of doing. And here he was - trying his best to repeat the actions from the past.

"So I thought that maybe I could re-create the movie outside part…" his voice showed the fear he had of what her reaction could possible be.

"This is perfect, Fitz" her voice was hardly audible. But the smile on her face was the answer he was looking for.

"Wait" he said before turning on the film.

"Oh my God!" she gasped as the words 'Gone With The Wind' appeared in one of the walls of the White House. "Thank you" she mumbled with tears in her eyes.

Mellie leaned against Fitz' shoulder as she picked something to eat every now and then. She couldn't help but smile. This was the man he had fallen in love with but this was not the man she remembered. This was the Fitz that held her hand all day, the one that would open doors for her. The calm Fitz, the one who would talk to her not the one who would only scream at her. And although she loved this Fitz it scared to think about the changes that happened between and causes of their constant fights. Because even though she didn't remember her recent past something in her screamed about him and how different he had turned out to be. How different they had turned out to be. But for the moment she pushed those thoughts aside and just enjoyed his hand around her waist, his lips on her forehead and the fact he had chosen her favorite film. _Just enjoy this, Mellie_ she thought to herself.

But as the movie kept on rolling his voice kept on echoing in her head and along with their fights. His words. Her own words. It was like a war was happening inside her head and she didn't have the strength to wave the white flag… and she wasn't sure she wanted to. Because all she wanted was piece of mind but that was all she wasn't able to have. Because all she wanted was to know who that woman was and why she had looked at her with a surreal look in her eyes and why was she disturbed and at the same indifferent with her presence. It was all like she knew who she was and what kind of role she played in her husband's life. " _I only know that I love you!"_ Scarlett's words were her own. Her own certainty - that she loved the man standing next to her. But the fear of a life sustained on a lie was haunting her. " _I just don't wanna go_ _"_ her own was echoing in her head " _You don't wanna go because you're afraid of my mistress"_ the picture in her mind made her look up at him.

He looked down at her and said "What?"

"Nothing" and with that she once leaned against him. But his voice was still playing in her mind like a song she couldn't stop hearing. " _I love her! I'm in love with her!"_ She closed her eyes in the hopes it'd go away " _Confess, Melody! You just married for the money?!"_ She shook her head but it didn't matter there was no button press. She couldn't turn it off. " _The sweet lawyer who gave up her career for her husband, suffered a miscarriage and had a late life baby while first lady. That's gold! And you know how much America loves a second act! If you see her again I'll blow your mind"_

" _Observe my hands, my dear. I could tear you to pieces with them_ " as Rhett's words echoed through the White House's garden Mellie got up.

"Mels, where are you going?" asked Fitz unaware of the train of thoughts going through her mind.

"Don't call me that!" she screamed as she turned around to face him "You cheated on me! With Olivia Pope! And you flaunt that on my face!" her words hit him. This was the moment he was afraid of. "And you accused me of marrying you for your money. Really, Fitzgerald? You WERE never there! So, stop lying! Just stop!" and with those words Mellie left a speechless Fitz standing in the middle of the garden.

 _Sir, you are no gentleman_


End file.
